America-sick

The time has finally come. I miss home.

I was Skyping a friend the other day while she was in the student center at our school and I heard a conversation in the background in American English. I started crying. It was just so comforting to hear but I was so far away from it. I was in denial until that moment, but I had finally faced the realization of just how homesick I was. Truth is, I'm more than just homesick. My friend put it better; she said I was "America-sick." 

I'm surprised it actually took this long. I thought that if I'd get homesick it would have been within the first couple of weeks and then I'd be over it and never want to come back. But in reality it's in the last month and I'm counting down the days (which I know I'll regret the moment I get back). 

I always thought it was the language barrier that was the hardest. Don't get me wrong, it still can be difficult. I have yet to go one day without a miscommunication. But even when I'm traveling around to other countries and can speak English, I'm still so out of place. There's just something comforting about being in your own country. On your home turf. Even if you're not in your hometown, there's a sense of belonging that you're just simply entitled to. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone or explain why you're there or flash your passport. You belong. 

I miss root beer. I miss the drive to my dad's house. I miss being able to say exactly what I want to say how I want to say it. I miss my friends. I miss phoning my friends. I miss having nothing to do on rainy days. I miss the smell of my mom's perfume and smiling at strangers. I miss PB&Js and spinach dip and Kennywood and Monroeville and Reese's cups and Sheetz and reubens and being able to say any of those words and be understood.

My home-made (pun intended) collage of America through my eyes which took a shameful amount of time to make

There is a herd of Americans I found here and (of the ones I've talked to) they are all homesick too. My friend from Canada is as well. All of our European friends can have people visit and can take a train back home for the weekend if they want, and almost all of them have. But America. It's just so far away. 

It makes me feel like such a wimp because it's only been a couple of months. I've been away at school for this long and I've met people here from the States who have been here for two years and aren't planning on going back anytime soon. I don't know how they do it. Every part of me wants to hide in my room until it's all over. But the two-month older Deanna would kill me, as would my strong support system back home. So I am determined to make the best out of this last month. When I was in Canada for five weeks, I counted down the days until I could come home and I ended up wishing away some of the best days of my life. I don't want to make that same mistake again. 

But still, a tiny voice in my head keeps saying, "May 31st. May 31st. May 31st."

Sigh. Until then, I'll look at this cute little picture of the flag: